Simon Cabaret Show

Mom’s hesitation to see a cabaret show and my uncertainty if it is worth the money was a topic of our discussion at the coffee table of Old Phuket. A thing that changed my mother’s mind was Patong Bangla walking street. It was safe. It was an experience that is nowhere related to what I usually seek when I travel. We had seen the capital of ancient Siam, enjoyed the beach vacation at Hong island, wandered in local markets of Bangkok, listened to calming Buddhist chants at temples. Seeing all faces of Thailand was the aim, so we decided to hit the show and here is what I think about.

Can you take your kids to the Cabaret show in Thailand?

Many people ask- Is it made for kids? Well, I wouldn’t take my kid here in the future. The loud music may be irritating for the kids. The show is definitely sexy. It is all about glam and hotness. They do enact some naughty things on the stage- I don’t and can’t answer kids if they ask me anything on that!. Performers costumes are glittery and show lots of skin. So, I suggest you don’t take kids.

What is this show “Not about.”

This isn’t your show if you are thinking of any historical or cultural dance form. There is no heritage or Thai culture involved in this – Sheer entertainment. The real cabaret is drinking, eating, and watching sexy women dancing. But here, you get beer outside the theatre in the lobby. You can neither eat nor drink inside. There are no tables arranged like in cabaret bars. It is a typical movie theatre with fixed seats arranged in staggered rows.

What is it about?

Simon Cabaret show is a dance show by ladyboys for the music from various parts of the world in highly gorgeous glittering costumes. The headdress, neckpieces, bracelets, boots and stilettos are super chic. The show happens thrice a day in the evening (as of 2019). 

There are two types of seats – VIP and regular. VIP seats are in the front, and the rest are on the backside. The theatre’s capacity is 600 with no balcony seats. We bought VIP seats for 800 baht, which was no different from the regular seat other than we had seats assigned, so we didn’t have to fight to catch a seat.

The best part of the show – Lighting, Music, Costume and the well-synchronised performance. As a commoner, we would never get a chance to watch Filmfare or Iifa awards in real. The performers wearing lehengas do a Bollywood dance and change quickly to their bright bikini with a headdress that reminds me of Brazilian Samba dance.

The dancers even leave the stage and perform among the seated crowd. A plus-size performer came down the stage dancing and singing. With some naughty jokes and sexy moves, she randomly chose a few men from the public to kiss on their cheeks. This was funny to watch but offended a particular couple from India. Seeing the bangles on her hands, we knew they were a newly married couple. 

The couple were arguing with each other throughout the show about something. They were even asked to keep quiet by the fellow spectators. The plus-size performer’s bad luck kissed him, which got the wife so furious that she walked out of the hall!

What is the worst part of the show?

After the show, the performers stand outside the theatre on the premises to get clicked. From 100 to 500 baht, you will have to pay them to click a picture standing with them. Standing away and clicking like how I did is free. The dancers keep calling you, waving their hands. They aren’t pushy unless you get near them. All kinds of people go and get clicked. It looked like they could not escape without paying them what they had asked, whether it was 500 or 1000 baht. This isn’t the worst part.

There are two worst things

Just like Patong’s walking street, you are paying to someone’s skin! Anyone who can dance little looks gorgeous with nice outfits/makeup can perform these dances and be willing to expose their body can achieve this with a few days of practice.

Fortunately, the guests were decent, unlike Pattaya’s cabaret show, where my cousin witnessed horrifying things where men put hands inside ladyboys shorts. Some people wanted to get some free touch experience, but performers seemed to be super clever avoiding them.

Honestly, I enjoyed all the glam and glitter! I don’t know if I can watch a Cabaret show this carefree anywhere else. I feel good about that. But, ultimately, I paid for seeing someone’s body! It is like watching an extra-long Item Song that includes all genders!

The second one is rather irritating than disgusting. Catching a taxi to get back home. After 8 PM, there are no public taxis or songthaews. You have to pay whatever amount taxi drivers ask you. They wait inside and outside the theatre to suck money off you. Unless you have your own vehicle, you will end up paying 1.5times more than what Grab Taxi charge you. Grab Taxi is not your option because the roads will be crowded; drivers refuse to pick you up from the venue.

Would you visit a Cabaret show like this? Let us know in the comment section below.

Published by Sahana Kulur

Traveller | Blogger | Architecture and history

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